How We Share the Mental Load

There’s been a lot of talk about the mental load lately and how women carry so much more of it than men. It’s true and the example I like to give is this: my husband and I receive the same email. I read it and come away with something we need to do. He reads it and comes away with nothing we need to do, even though it said Teacher Appreciation Week is next week.

In our house, I’m in charge of basically all appointments for myself and for our 3 kids. Doctor, dentist, orthodontist, whatever it is. I even make appointments for my husband. And I’m almost always the one that brings the kids to their appointments.

Now I’m not great at making appointments. In fact, I’m the kind of person that has to make the next appointment while I’m there or I will put it off for a long time. But, it’s a responsibility that generally falls to me. And I have a more flexible schedule than my husband, so it makes sense that I be the one to bring them.

But we do balance this out in our house.

How?

One way is that when there’s a task I don’t want to do, I ask my husband to do it.

The girls want their hair cut and I don’t want to take them? Ask him.

The kids want to pick out Halloween costumes and I’d rather not? Ask him.

I’m sick of filling out daycare/school paperwork? Ask him.

Need something at the store? Ask him.

My husband also knows I like alone time and he goes out of his way to make sure I get it. He’ll take the kids out to do something, he’ll bring them when he runs errands. He’ll get up with the kids and let me sleep in.

I also make room for it for myself — going on a weekly bike ride, working out in the morning. These are things I do right now to get outside, clear my head, focus on just me.

But I think one of the most important things we do to balance the load is really just to communicate about it. We check in with each other about what’s going on and what we want to accomplish. We support each other. We help each other to make sure we’re doing the important things.